Dear Trish’s Conscience,
It has come to my attention that you are ignoring the very clear signals I have been sending in the hopes that you would take seriously the commitment you made earlier this year to adopt a healthier lifestyle. I am writing to you now, perhaps with some misplaced optimism, to remind you again of why a much more wholesome and healthy approach to diet and exercise will ultimately benefit us both.
You’ve been mostly pretty good, but every now and then you seem to forget yourself. So I’m going to remind you.
Do you remember how dreadful I felt on Monday morning when we woke up? Do you recall my complaints about my lethargy? My fuzzy head? My bloated stomach? I know that it was just that one beer – but it was a schooner! And you had it with a bowl of beer-battered chips! The combination of beer and saturated fats is – and I can’t believe I have to keep telling you this – is really bad for us!
Do you recall how wonderful you felt during those few weeks on the Detox diet? No coffee, no alcohol, no wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no beer-battered chips. Yes, it was tough… but oh my goodness, how good did we feel? Well done for sticking with it but what’s the point of putting yourself through a Detox if you’re just going to go and trash yourself again afterwards? Where’s your commitment? Your dedication?!
Do you remember how fantastic you felt after each session of Boot Camp in May? How that kick-started your metabolism and you were finally able to lose those last five kilos (in fact, you lost six! Wow! Diet and exercise actually works! Whoddathunkit?) So why are you contemplating NOT going to Boot Camp this morning? Why are you sitting at your computer at 9am when you have to be at Boot Camp at 9.30am? WTF?!
It’s great that you’ve started riding you bike to school with the kids, and riding back again to pick them up, but who are we kidding? That’s an hour of gentle riding each day, with hardly any hills, and a lot of stopping for traffic lights. That’s a good start, but it’s not going to give you the Buns of Steel you were hoping to have in your 40th year. You. Need. To. Sign. Up. To. A. Pilates. Class. For the love of Pete, stop making excuses.
Now, get off the computer and go to Boot Camp!